Letter to 30 Year Old Me

Dear 30 year old retard.

I hope you are still a retard. You'd better not have grown up too much. That would be disappointing. Also, I hope you're not dead. It's not the best thing to suggest, but hey-ho, it's a distinct possibility, considering how ridiculously clumsy you are, or I am, or I was... I don't know. TENSES ARE CONFUSING FOR THE SENSES! That very well might just me my new motto. You'd better use it. Or else. NO, wait, don't. It's really bad.

I hope you still have Claude. If you don't know who Claude is, I shall definitely shoot you. Definition: of 'A Claude' : Really terrible phone, bought from ADSA in 2010, cost £30. Irritatingly basic but reliable and lovable. Named in November 2011 by Samm, by text on the bus to school one morning, on the decision that the sound of it vibrating sounded likie a duck, and all ducks should have names, hence, Claude. If, at some point, Claude dies or you just replace him, do not bin him. He has been too good of a friend to just throw away, and just like all ducks need names, all retired ducks deserve a place on the shelf of the duck collection. I mean, it might creep the other ducks out a little, but yeah, it's still cool. They're rubber, they'll bounce back.

So I'm guessing that by the time you're 30, it's highly likely that you're in a relationship, or at least have been in a long term relationship, unless you were right all along and no guy is willing to take on a complete "posh genius retard" as I was called the other day. I prefer the term 'nerd'. I hope you find a nerd guy, it'd be so cool. Nerds are the best. Which brings me nicely onto: NERDFIGHTERS! I don't know if the Vlogbrothers are still making videos, but even if they're not, you should still be watching them. Be a dedicated Nerdfighter until the day you die. That's al I have to say on that matter...

Tip: stay in touch with people! Dev and Samm and Charli and Lauren and George and Becca and Dom and Alex and Jamie... Never let them go. Oh, and if you haven't already, go looking for all of your old teachers on Facebook  I'm assuming Facebook is still running. If not, Twitter must have taken over. Please don't let Google+ have taken over, that would just be embarrassing.

If you ever did get the drum-kit for Christmas (which I bloody well hope you did), go and dig it out. That is, if you ever stopped playing. For all I know yet, the band could have taken off. I could be world famous! But I doubt it. Still, it's a nice thought.

Learn all of the words to Hank Green's Song About an Anglerfish. If you don't, I shall be disappointed.

Did you ever start vlogging? Do you still look like Ed Byrne? Do you still sound like David Mitchell? Do you still hear weird voices in your head? I hope so...

Goodbye, 30 year old me. Or, probably because of my disorganisation and strange memory, 31 or 32 year old me.

Sincerely, 15.5 year old nerdy person.